Meet the Cast

(PS this extract contains continuous Ravioli/Bird Guy/Revali torture)

Battle Training

URBOSA: Hyrule Field. Let’s go there, it’s a reasonable place to practice.

MIPHA: Why not. Not too dry there,, either. If Link goes.

DARUK: I’m fine with anything. (Yawn)

REVALI: Fiine, but the snowy treetops gives everyone a good view and a cool practice. No pun intended.

ZELDA: We haven’t got all day. (Pulls out the Sheikah Slate, and they teleport to Hyrule Field.)

3!

2!

1!

FIGHT! It’s Mipha Vs Revali first!

Revali flies up into the air and bombs the view. Mipha swiftly dodges all the explosions. Revali sends tornadoes back at her. Mipha is blown over. It’s bird guy’s advantage, but dolphin doesn’t take it. She spins her spear and knocks bird over. Attaaack! Dolphin succesfully overpowers Bird Guy!

REVALI: I told you the snowy Hebra * Mountains are much better!

MIPHA: YOU SWEARED (SWORE no offense she’s bad vocab)

ZELDA: You’re fired! Tulin will replace you tommorow!

OK!

Urbosa Vs Revali

Zap zap BANG!

Revali is struck! He falls out of the sky! Urbosa gives him NO chance! She brandishes her powerful scimitar and bird guy is once again beaten! So sand seal raises her sword in victory!

ZELDA: Revali, you need to improve!

URBOSA: Don’t worry, I was only going easy on him.

Daruk Vs Mipha

DARUK: Let’s go, goro! (Wait that’s Yunobo :O)

MIPHA: Oh, man…

Daruk charges at Mipha but she perfect dodges! Bing, bang, boom! Mipha sends a flurry of water at Boulder! He’s knocked flat! Victory to Dolphin once again!

DARUK: I-I-There’s a DOOOG!

ZELDA: Uh-oh.

Link Vs Revali

REVALI: YESSSS

LINK: *Shut your face up bird I have the ability to kill you if it weren’t for the rules.

Revali: Oh yeah

LINK: *Besides, you forgot the full stop at the end.

REVALI: It meant to be a question m-

HYAAAAAAAAAH!

Ouch! Revali must have been hurt badly! What a perfect sneakstrike from the Hero! Oh, bird guy’s already fallen…How? Let’s have a look. It seems that Link has appeared with…THE HERO OF THE WILD SET!

ZELDA: Oh my…

Link: Hai! (Jumps)

MIPHA: *Heart eyes

Divine Beasts FIIIGHT

RUTA: Sidon with me! Let’s GO! *Sends water at every Divine Beast.

MEDOH: Impossible! I can’t be sprayed from up here!

MEDOH attempts to bomb down ALL Divine Beasts except…where’s Link? Too late! We all know Link is the most powerful. He’s ridden the MASTER CYCLE ZERO to everyone’s limits! Down goes RUDANIA! Poor Daruk, knocked like a pancake! It’s RUDANIA, or shall we say, LINK + MASTER CYCLE ZERO one the move!

RUTA’S DOWN! She’s sunk! BING BAM BOOM Fire everywhere!

NABORIS doesn’t give up! But we’re not sure about that THAT. Link has driven to NABORIS. Urbosa Vs Link GO! Sure that Urbosa’s a great zapper, but nothing can stop Link! Sand seal’s out! And there goes Link, heading to MEDOH! But wait a second… What’s he doing? It must be the famous MOON JUMP!

Up – up – up he goes! Sneeeeakstrike! BAM! So Link WINS!!!!

Dragon Farming

We all know who’s winning.

But keep it quiet and watch!

ZELDA: Contestants, champions: Please choose your location and dragon. You have 30 minutes to do the work. Killing time doesn’t count.

LINK: *By a campfire that’s always lit by a Flameblade next to Lake Floria. Aim: Farosh.

REVALI: Waiting along with Naydra.

URBOSA: Next to Hateno Tech Lab. Aim: Naydra.

MIPHA: Climbs onto Naydra.

DARUK: Peak of Death Mountain. Aim: Dinraal.

(Let’s assume they all do it at different times.)

INTERRUPTION!

MAKAR: Before we get on with dragon farming, let’s interrupt with:

The Hyrulean News

Head Editor, Reporter, Nut: Makar

Rito Village

TULIN: Nice, cold breeze in the Tabantha region. Autumn is slowly taking over the warm summers.

TEBA: Yes, we are slowly gathering more and more food to stock up for winter. This way we don’t need to hunt in the freezing cold.

MAKAR: May I ask, any problems brewing up in this place?

TEBA: Unfortunately, yes. MEDOH is going it bit frenzy ever since Link landed it back on the large spire in our village.

MAKAR: What do you mean by that?

TEBA: The usual. You know, how it forms a shield around itself with cannons as the holders? Those cannons can’t be destroyed without Link’s help.

MAKAR: Oh, that’s bad. Is there any way we can get him to help?

TULIN: We need to get to Lookout Landing first to report to Purah. Harth has just gone. But if Zelda doesn’t get the message…

TEBA: We have to halt the hunting process in case MEDOH shoots someone.

MAKAR: Oh! That’s horrible! Pray to Goddess Hylia that this problem is fixed soon!

TULIN: And also, if you Link caused this problem, it’s not.

MAKAR: I don’t think it is.

TULIN: Because I’ve recently flew as close as possible to MEDOH and I saw Revali’s dirty feathers everywhere. And I think that’s why it’s malfunctioning.

TEBA: Naughty Tulin! I never allowed you to do that! You could’ve died! And it looks like you’re finally dishonouring Master Revali too… I mean Ravioli!

*All laugh.

MAKAR: MEDOH’ll be back to normal soon…I promise.

Goron City

YUNOBO: We’ve recently started getting our heat back ever since the gloomy haze has left Death Mountain.

BLUDO: That’s right, and that’s bad buisness for us Gorons.

YUNOBO: Travellers will less often come to our city due to the heat. So we – YunoboCo – are trying to develop a new way of cooling visitors, and keeping our town cool at the same time.

MAKAR: So…How’s it proccessing?

YUNOBO: Great! Right now, we’re giving out free Flamebreaker pieces. Most of them are the metal helmets like the ones Link used to wear. If they’re willing to pay a price of 500 rupees, they get the fancy ones with red cloth forged from the lava of Death Mountain. We’ve got a whole lot of them. Slergo and Offrak want to lower the prices…

BLUDO: But this way we can make more money to raise the quality of our inns, shop and so on.

MAKAR: That’s great! How’s RUDANIA?

BLUDO: Oh, perfectly fine!

YUNOBO: It was a bit damaged from MEDOH’s continuous bombing, but YunoboCo have some great workers.

MAKAR: Ooooh, nice.

YUNOBO: And how’s your Ember Coat?

MAKAR: Awer-some! It’s nice it also has Hot Weather Charge on it…!

YUNOBO: Thanks, it was woven by Slergo and Offrak. They’re pretty good designers.

MAKAR: Anything else to report to the HYRULEAN NEWS?

BLUDO: Have a nice day, and remember to visit Goron City!

Zora’s Domain

(Distance)

PURAH: Sidon, NO!

SIDON: Oh, I’m sorry!

PURAH: This is NOT how you behave like a king!

SIDON: I didn’t know…

PURAH: NO excuses, Sidon! Now help me fix this thing…Yona will not be happy!

SIDON: Um… I…don’t know…

PURAH: Oh you DO! You BROKE it!

SIDON: Sorry, sorry…I promise I’ll…fix it…

MAKAR: Oh no – looks like Sidon has broken something! So much for a century old Zora. We’ll come back to him later! Let’s go and visit Gerudo Town…

Gerudo Town

RIJU: Now…that is bad.

BULIARA: Lookout Landing…I will stay, Lady Riju.

RIJU: No, you go. I can handle with them myself…Yet, Link…

BULIARA: How is NABORIS doing that?

RIJU: Lady Urbosa. Ask her!

BULIARA: It’s more sensible for Purah – am I right?

MAKAR: Woah, woah! What’s going on?

RIJU: Hey, Makar. NABORIS has…Kind of been running in the desert, crashing into many different places. We have to stop it before it crashes into US!

MAKAR: HUH? How is it like that?

RIJU: Malice Bots.

MAKAR: WHAT?

Back at Dragon Farming…